Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
