Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+44): View more from England

Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.

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(281): View more from Texas

i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets

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(806): View more from Texas

Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother

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(813): View more from Florida

well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment

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(440): View more from Ohio

vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

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(206): View more from Washington

Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing

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(720): View more from Colorado

I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.

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