Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
