dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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