He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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