so explain again why im purple
no
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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