My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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