dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
