a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
