Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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