Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Im part way to drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
