Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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