last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
