dude i'm inner monologue high
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
