there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
