i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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