Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
