Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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