she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
