eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
