I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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