I'm really into asian looking animals
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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