Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
