ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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