i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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