If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
the raccoons are back...
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