So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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