i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
