Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
