omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
