Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
