I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
