I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
