Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
