are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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