I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
