Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do vagina's smell?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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