): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
