a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
