dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
