The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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