If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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