Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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