Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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