420 ftw
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
