last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
