remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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