I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
