Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
