If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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